5 years ago . . .

Five years ago I was given a unique opportunity to make a miracle happen. Five years ago I didn't know how deep my gratitude could reach and how much light and knowledge and truth could be mine. Five years ago I didn't yet know just how quickly my life could be turned upside down. And even at my own bidding! Because five years ago—in January 2010—I'd declared it the YEAR of HEALTH. Oh the irony. Sometimes it has to get pretty dark before the sun shines in again, but then, if you can wait it out and hold on with hope, it shines brighter than ever before. To get the health I desired I had to first be totally incapacitated. But at the time I didn't realize that my life was actually being flipped right side up.

Five years ago today I walked into a rheumatologist's office for the first time. She painted a picture of a life I didn't want. I wore orthotics and used a handicap parking pass. Sometimes I couldn't flip the blinker on or turn the gas cap of my car. I wanted more. I prayed for more. And I searched and searched until I got more.

Five years ago I was led like I've never been led. Friends, friends of friends, sisters of friends, coworkers of friends, and total strangers gave me the answers I didn't know were the answers.

Five years ago next month I went to lunch with Emily, and she told me about her grandpa with cancer who'd kept on living. I asked her endlessly, and she told me all she knew about choosing foods that were more alkaline—a 20/80 goal—to fuel my body with what it needed most in such a weak state. Plant-based and preservative-free. So I did what she said.

Five years ago I started listening. Listening to my body. Listening to my spirit. Relistening to the CDs of The Omnivore's Dilemma. And listening to the wisdom of people past and present. I remembered that I'd been told my whole life to "eat meat sparingly" and eat "every herb in the season thereof; and every fruit in the season thereof." Five years ago I started to eat real food—the stuff God made.

Five years ago I cried with joy in my discoveries. I dug deep into Chinese medicine and learned about the emotions behind illnesses. Get this. I learned that my colon's role to hold onto nutrients and let go of waste is directly tied to my emotional ability to hold onto and let go of—to let go of the past, to let go of anger, to forgive, and to hold onto the good. Every organ and every system functions according to my emotional health. If my emotions are smothered and ignored, my physical body becomes imbalanced and sick. Five years ago I couldn't get enough of this learning. Five years ago I stepped into a world of endless possibility and total accountability. Five years ago I learned I could change my reality and I could create a new future for myself.

I am forever grateful for five years ago and everything in between. It has been a health journey. A health scavenger hunt. A test beyond all tests. I am grateful for my miraculous body, the drive to keep asking, the inspiration (i.e., partial insanity) to follow, and the amazing people along the way who have changed me forever—body, mind, and spirit.

The Dog Days Are Over

A lot has happened in a year—my life wouldn't sparkle like it does now if I hadn't known the pain and fear that often accompanies illness. This thorn in my side called rheumatoid arthritis has been my guide to better understanding who I am (past, present, and future) and has motivated me to change for the better. But it's time to say good-bye to RA—you are not me. The dog days are over!

This morning I paid Barbara a cheery visit—I was actually ecstatic, smiling at the walls all week long because I couldn't wait to see what she'd find . . . or not find. Barbara takes care of me holistically, and as of today happily reported that my RA pain was coming in on the computer at a 4. Not an 800 like it did in May, not a 15 like it did in October, but a 4!! She also has a high-tech computer that does light and sound treatment, so she flooded my hands and feet with light until they felt as good as new. Thank you, thank you!

Some of you may be wondering how my RA pain could've dropped so drastically without ever going on medication. When I started on this journey a year ago—and started this blog—my focus was to heal through "an experiment with a new way to eat" instead of getting on any medications. My external resources at that time also included holistic remedies, prayer, religious texts, and priesthood blessings. I studied intensely to know what God could tell me about healing, learning primarily from Christ's power to heal, and how light, faith, and forgiveness play a role in healing. Then starting in August my diet path started to widen little by little to also include meditation, fasting (which I hadn't done in 7 years because of the hypoglycemia!), reflexology, massage (craniosacral and water drop), chiropractic, physical therapy, visualization, and positive thinking. I've never studied, prayed, or fasted so fervently. Every ounce of healing I've experienced has been because of my Savior. I could write volumes about the power Christ has to heal each and every one of us. I now know clearer than ever how the power is in us to choose to be healed and that once we choose to be healed, it is only through Christ we can be made whole. Some of you have other higher powers that you call on, but it all comes from the same source.

A year ago tomorrow I went in search of answers to all the mysterious pain that was taking over my body. The doctors took X-rays and ran my first round of blood work that determined I had RA. Since this has been the journey of a lifetime—the most profound thing I have yet to experience—I want to share with you how it all began:

February 24, 2010—Wednesday
          "You know how sometimes you inspect your life, and it's nothing like what you thought it'd be? When I woke up this morning with bursitis in my right wrist, I went on a 30-minute walking adventure and thought that thought—that this is not how I expected my life to be. And then I thought more specifically how the Lord had prepared me to know that I would become acquainted with sickness. I thought about it tonight while I was splashing water on my face, and it made me laugh out loud. Then I thought about it again after I got a text from Aunt Lavon, and it made me cry.
          Bursitis hurts like strained, frozen muscles being tugged and even yanked. Like there's an impossibly heavy weight attached to every nerve and every tendon in your shoulder or hand or jaw. It's deep. Stiff. Eee-err-eee-err . . . almost squeaky. Tense and achy. It's torture. I felt better tonight when Aunt Gail emailed a second time to say she'd had bursitis before, and she said it hurts way worse than than RA.
          I'm not sure what to expect tomorrow morning at my doctor appointment. I just want to know how to keep this pain from happening so often and from spreading. I've been super blessed so far not to have two parts of my body with bursitis at the same time—this week did come close though with my left shoulder freezing up from Saturday to Monday and then my right wrist taking over today. Will I eventually need hospice? I'd prefer a husband."


February 25, 2010—Thursday
          "I hope that if I have a new, unknown disease that they call it Mildred Syndrome. Or Unhappy Joints Disease. Something catchy.
          After lots of tubes of my O+ blood were drawn and about 10 X-rays were taken, I was left to wait the results. (Dang, I'm realizing how tense I am all the time. How do I loosen up more?) Dr. Martin told me she'd call me with the blood work results tomorrow. The X-rays showed no joint damage, but they did reveal a mysterious stress fracture in my right foot. (Yep, I've been feeling that for two weeks now, but I did nothing to get it—just woke up one morning and couldn't walk on my right foot.) Dr. Martin says that bursitis doesn't cause rheumatoid arthritis, but rheumatoid arthritis can cause bursitis. What the doctor doesn't think sounds right is that my bursitis is spreading. That doesn't generally happen. Hmm. Prodigy?:) I'd like to think so. Like Roald Dahl's Matilda—I'm reading it right now and love the diversion."

Well, I'll close there for now. I think I've shared enough of my juicy journal writings for one day. 

I still have a ways to go with my health, but these dog days are definitely over. I am full of only gratitude and anticipation of what I will learn tomorrow.