Was driving up State Street, seeing the majestic capitol up ahead. I thought of the memorable summer days when I came up here to run or sit on the grass. So, split-second decision and here I am, still broken physically but filling my spiritual reserve. My foot will absorb Mother Nature's nurturing energy and no longer feel like a stone block. It's been a rough today.
I don't want to walk anymore, my feet hurt so bad. It hurts to write, so I'm holding my pen differently. Usually my finger stops being swollen a few hours after I wake up, but not today. The "guilt muscle" in my back just started hurting. I am unhappy with my institute class. I spent all morning reading the wrong assignment. I bought the wrong textbook. I just feel crappy, and my head hurts. I want my healthy feet back! I need to call the acupuncture people. I also need a massage. I don't know if waking up at 5 a.m. was the best thing today when I have a class that goes till 7 p.m. I need a heavenly hug.
The Madeleine Cathedral bells are ringing. Small winged bugs keep landing on my arms. The light breeze is barely rustling my hair. I'm in the shade. What a beautiful time of day.
For some reason I let myself be controlled by culture—seasons, in particular, and school beginning. Just because school's started doesn't mean I bury all lessons learned about fun and spontaneity. I'm taking my life back. There's a large bearded man speaking Chinese (I think) at the top of his voice and walking this way. But I know I'm safe. He reminds me of Hagrid.
I release all guilt for not being perfect. I release all guilt for not being a better friend and for not doing my iStar work today. I forgive myself for setting me up for failure. I forgive myself for having expectations that aren't humanly possible.
Hagrid is stumbling closer and yelling louder, so I think my time has come.
Monday, August 29, 2011
Monday, August 1, 2011
Creating is one of the best ways for me to raise my spirits. It breathes life back into me. It's a wonderful, healing addiction!
To begin my project I gathered together the following:
-shells with a hole already in them
-shells with some sort of an indentation where a drill bit would stay put to begin drilling
-1/8-inch drill bit (or the smallest you can find)
-Sense & Sensibility DVD and my laptop
I'd never used a drill before, so it felt quite empowering to be sitting crossed legged on my living room floor holding a power tool in my hand while watching Jane Austen on the big screen. Some shells were thicker than I thought and took longer to drill through. What? Another lesson on patience?
After making a hole in the shell, I'd lay out the shell on the carpet with the other shells to envision them hanging together. I knew I wanted the shells to be staggered in how they hung, and I knew I wanted some shells to be tied onto the same strand of twine, so I made some twine strands longer and some shorter. I tied the shells onto the individual strands of twine I'd cut, and then when I had all the shells in place, I tied each individual strand onto a longer strand that they all now hang from.