Tuesday, March 9, 2010

I darn well better create.

The events of the past couple weeks have allowed me, prodded me, shoved me into reflection. My life is now in 3-D—in my face and quickly unraveling (in a good way) the realities of what I may not be able to do months, years from now. I've reclaimed my paint brushes, I'm appreciating my Mon/Wed morning walks, and I'm paying more attention to the independence I currently have. If I must start wearing pants with elastic waist bands because I can't do zippers or tuck in my shirt, I'm going to embrace it and wear the coolest zipperless pants you've ever seen. Whatever the future brings, I'm enjoying today. This life isn't the end, and there is plenty of eternity for me to rock climb and swim laps and do the wave and pick up babies.

Just now in meandering through my journal I came across this. I don't remember writing it, but I know I wrote it for me to read today.

"2.28.09. I need to take my journal with me so my thoughts aren't scattered on pieces of scratch paper only to be lost and later thrown away. If I say I'm an artist and want to be an artist and thrive on creating, I darn well better create. What am I waiting for? Paint, dress, design, decorate, collage, scheme, muster, plaster, cut, draw, scribble, illuminate, ponder, portray, portrait, sketch, capture. And then share!!! I need to do what makes me happy and lets my talents unfold. I need to finish what I start and whittle through my mental pile of unfinished creations. I don't have to hang out with someone because I feel bad. My time is valuable and can never be replaced. If I love the Lord I will spend time with Him. (Thanks for putting it so well, Elder Wirthlin.) Expand. Breathe deep. Open my heart. Let nature inspire. Take care of my mortal body. Express myself. Eliminate chaos and confusion and mediocrity. Let the Spirit confound and engage and excite. Trust. Cut fear from my vocabulary and banish it from my existence. Allow people in. Find comfort in past experiences, but keep building upward on them. And live today, live in the moment—don't already be too preoccupied with the next, the future."


Emily said...

What can I say but I love you? You are so positive through it all- I'm impressed. Hope you're feeling better! I know of a great store on Pearl St. if you need some new shiny clothes (and a laugh)! :)

emilia. said...

double heart